"I have found the one whom my soul loves"

" I have found the one whom my soul loves" such a deep statement, yes?

When I read that line my heart flutters, it gets excited, and it melts. I think of the fairy-tales I grew up on of the princess' getting saved by their prince charming and living happily ever after. I think of the desires I have as a women to be cherished, loved, known, valued, and wanted, all in deep intimate ways, all the days of my life. Intimate in the sense of someone knowing the depths of my soul, and as they know these depths seeing me as worthy, precious, vulnerable and yet still so loveable. I say this not in an arrogant way but as someone wanting to be seen in these ways.

I think of my day to day life and how I long to be noticed, to be called beautiful, to be found important in life and to someone special. I want to have purpose in life and to know I make a difference, I want to be noticed. Noticed in a way that I capture someone's breathe, that they see me for who I truly am, and yet see no flaws, they see perfection. Of course there is no such thing as a perfect person, but yet I long to be seen for who I am and to be accepted for everything that I am and everything that I am not. I long to be loved, loved in a way where all of these things are true and never end. Each and every day to be passionately loved, noticed, and cared for.

Now again I'm not trying to be selfish or arrogant I'm simply speaking from the depths of my heart and the love it longs for. Now if your the same as me the question is how do we go about filling this void? I use to seek to fill this void in relationships, mainly, but also in friendships, and by seeking things that could become a passion, so much so, that it would consume my mind and have me forget about everything else. Then the time would pass and nothing would be satisfying. Nothing was enough, it always left me wanting more, having to work at things harder. No matter how hard I worked though, or what relationship I was in, it was never enough. I was still left with this yearning, this wanting.

Now I'm not saying that I was never loved in my life, that would be a lie if I said so. I was most definitely loved by my parents and family, and and a number of close friends who I knew would be there for me, throughout my life. Even with these people in my life, though, I still had a desire, again, to be know to my core and loved in a way, that now, I don't think is capable by any human. Which begs the question, for me and for anyone else with these desires, how do I or you, how do we, fill these feelings and is it even possible?

All my life I grew up in the church. I was very blessed to have two parents who believed in God and found Him to be of importance, so much so, that I should be raised with faith. Even though I was raised in the church and knew about God it wasn't till I was 20 that I decided to fully discover what the bible had to say, and what God had to say, about Himself. It was in this search that that I found my answer to my question " is it possible?". As I began to seek more and more about who God truly was and what he offered, it was then that I began to understand this unfathomable goodness, peace, comfort, and love that people where talking about.

The first taste of love that I experienced from God was discovering His never ending pursuit of me. Even though, throughout my life, I was going to church every Sunday I wasn't following God, I wasn't living for Him, and I didn't truly know him. I came to find there is a difference between knowing of Him and truly knowing Him. It's like knowing a person but you don't know the intimate details about them like you do your best friend, you know of them but you don't truly know them. So as I took on this journey of discovering what God's characteristics where, the more I came to understand Him, and the more I came to understand Him, the more I could see Him working in my life. Even-more-so, I began to see the times He was in my life, when I wasn't pursing a relationship with Him, and in those moments He was trying to show me who He was and the love He had for me. As I realized this my mind began to explode. This Almighty God, The Creator, The Most Powerful, The One of true royalty, the King who is above all kings, this God, chose to pursue me in order to establish a relationship with me when I wasn't even trying to know who He was. In all of history there is no such thing as a king who lives in constant pursuit of his subjects, for the only reason but to show his love for them and because he wants to establish a pure and true relationship with them. So what kind of king is this? More so what type of love is this?

Then it went even further because then I began to understand what the cross meant. Growing up I knew that Jesus died on the cross for us but, I guess, I never fully understood. When I finally grasped that the one and only God, the God above all things, the Royalty of royalties left His throne so that He could re-establish a relationship with me, I was amazed. What love is this that a King would leave His throne to walk among those who choose not to follow Him, and then He dies for them so that they would be washed clean of every sin they ever committed or will commit? When I found out Jesus was sent to take my place to pay the penance for my sins, that I should have bore God's wrath on that cross, but instead Jesus did so that I wouldn't have to, and to show His love for me, I feel to my knees in understanding of this overwhelming agape love.

I came to understand that I am in the midst of a true love story; that this isn't some fairy-tale. From the beginning of time I was thought of. Through the time in the garden when man failed, I was thought of. God knew that in the garden of Eden man would choose to sin and not follow God, but yet He didn't let the story end there. Instead He made history a story of love and redemption. Throughout history God's chosen people time and time again would decide to not follow Him but yet time after time God restored the relationship; all the way to the birth of Jesus where God would show His redeeming love for the whole world. ( For God so loved the world the He sent His one and only son, so that who ever believed in Him would not perish but have eternal life John 3:16) It's in this story, when looked at from the beginning of time, I see where this desire for such love I spoke about in the beginning comes from.

Since God is my creator and I am made in His image, I carry His characteristics, then why should I assume anything less then to have a desire for such a strong and passionate love such as He? God's love is in constant pursuit of His people, to have a relationship with them, and to love them. So wouldn't it make sense that I, that we, carry this very same driven and compassionate make up- a longing for pure and true love? God shows us who He is, to know the true Him, and gives us a choice to love and follow Him. So doesn't it also make sense to want to be loved for everything that we are?

As I've continued this pursuit of Christ I've also come to understand that the only love that can quench this longing, is God Himself. Yes, we can have relationships and find love in them, absolutely! But, If we don't fully know God, have a relationship with Him then this quench can never be filled because we were created to have a relationship with God. When we deny our very make-up then we begin to fill it with all other things, whatever we can make up and pursue. Or, the love that we do share and have is capable of so much more because without God's love, and an understanding of it, there is a miss in being able to live out love the way God intended it to. Furthermore, we miss out on the joys of experiencing a never ending agape love and blessings that God wants to share with us through having a relationship with Him.

It's in this story that I find an ever fulfilling love and hope. This is where my soul lies, this is where my soul is poured into with a never ending, ever flowing love. As I accept, pursue, and make it first in life, then it flows to all other avenues of my life.  In relationships there is a capability to pour out love greater than I ever could be myself and also to receive it in that same way.

The decision to hope in this love may seem scary. It's a decision to stop having control of the details of life and no longer be in the drivers seat and to be able to see what's around the corner. However, to decide to hope in this love and to follow it means a life in eternity, a life starting now on earth where you will always be cared for, provided for, and filled with a love that leaves you never wanting or needing anything else. To get this love all you have to do is accept it and declare it over your life, and there your journey will begin...